Saturday, January 16, 2016

Today is the 16th January 2016.

This is... So disappointing. And you are causing all the biggest disappointments. 

I thought I can rely and trust you the most you know? Even more than my family. But it's so so disappointing. 

I specifically told you not to buy the fishes yet, but my words were totally ignored. You bought it regardlessly and didn't tell me until I said we should go shop for fishes together. What's the point of not telling me? 

I felt worthless and I felt like I meant nothing to you because what I said was as if they never said at all.  

I was laughing at first because I knew you would do it. I knew from bottom you'll buy the fishes because I told you to go home early to catch some rest. That's why I texted you. But you still bought the fishes, the extra time was meant for you to rest, not go buy some FUCKING FISHES. It proved that I was so right about you. And the disappointments comes in later, like a really big air balloon filling up and bursting. I kept crying that night. I stopped my tears but I couldn't help but cry again and again and again. I felt like I should not trust you ever again. 

After all this time nobody could make me break down like this but you single-handedly did. 

And yesterday, you admitted that you started smoking again. After three months without cigarette, you started smoking again. I really don't understand, I don't understand at all! Why? Why? WHY??!!

THREE FUCKING MONTHS WITHOUT CIGARETTES WAS SUCH A GOOD CHANCE TO QUIT IT TOTALLY!!! 

I should have known better, I smelt faint cigarettes smell few days ago. I should have known. 

I should have known that you will never change your stubbornness with your never ending excuses. 

I'm not gonna try and change you anymore. You're a father, a husband and one old enough to think. I'm gonna change myself instead. I have enough of your bullshit. 

It just made me more determine to have my own room in our next home to get away from your bullshit, coz that's what I'm gonna start doing, to cut you off. 

I think I'm done with this. 

No comments: